| This is something I wrote for her on what would have been her 33rd birthday, four weeks before the first anniversary of her death. Open Letter (c)2002 - William S. Robert An open letter on which is drawn A birthday thought for one now gone Though your tenure on this earth has finished What I feel has not diminished So long removed and yet I find Your image daily in my mind Wondering what could have been Had you not so quickly met your end The toughest challenge I have faced Since emptiness came in your place To understand, and not despise The factors that caused your demise My sense of wonder, how it grew Towards a world that made someone like you Now this world's bereft and barren How it's the same is not apparent My life shall be much richer still Then it would had Teri not met Bill But richer only once I've found A way to fill what's not around For in my heart where you resided Sits a vacuum zone not yet subsided Well-wishers say I'll get what's due But it won't be what I had with you Your birthday's here - no hugs, no kissing Just thoughts and photos of one I'm missing So wherever you are, on whatever plane Please know I'd do it all over again |
| This requires a little bit of explanation, at least regarding the backstory and genesis of this piece. The incident referred to in this piece happened in September of 2000, at a room at Memorial Hospital in Worcester, MA. Teri had just gone in with another heart problem, and was really sick and tired of the whole process. When I came to visit, she was in full rant mode and expressed her displeasure with the repeated hospitalizations. It was at this point that she told me that she was sure that I was sick of the whole thing as well. She then said she would understand if I wanted to pursue something else. In no uncertain terms, she said it was okay if I wanted to leave. I then sat with her and told her all the reasons I wanted to be with her. All the reasons I STILL wanted to be there. I refused to leave her, and she seemed to cheer up after that. (In fact, this was the incident that led me to write, the very next evening, the "Magic Wand" poem featured in another part of this site. After she passed away, I thought of that incident and came up with this piece, which I wrote in the form of song lyrics. Here it is... "If You Thought..." 2000-2001 William S. Robert Two hearts meet, a working of fate A magic moment, when spirits relate As rare as diamonds, as brilliant too Such things happened, when I first met you We acted fast on this incredible match My inner demons you helped to dispatch Our lives, a blank slate for the things we could do But there's always a catch The body's innards, with workings complex At times ignore balances and checks Your illness ensued, and at times I did see You laid up in ways that unsettled me You asked one night as I sat by your bed If I shared in your frustration and dread Said you'd understand if I asked to be free And then here's what I said CHORUS: If you thought I would leave you You'll just have to think again After all that we've been through And the places our spirits have been If you thought I'd be happy Sparing me this bumpy ride I could never be happy Without you by my side My mind reeled at this latest trial Met your request with rapid denial I loved you with all my heart would allow There's no way in hell I'd abandon you now I sealed my words with a kiss and a touch There was one question my mind tried to clutch A question of how your heart could be so ill When it's healed mine so much CHORUS: If you thought I would leave you You'll just have to think again After all that we've been through And the places our spirits have been If you thought I'd be happy Sparing me this bumpy ride I could never be happy Without you by my side So now I try to accept that you're gone Seems like just yesterday they said you passed on The dreams of a future we'd both alluded to Will move to me and someone other than you But rest assured, for the rest of my days As prospects of love and happiness come my way I'll still keep a spot where we always can play There in my mind you will stay CHORUS: If they thought I'd forget you They'll just have to think again After all that we've been through And the places our spirits have been Time for tough preparation Now that what we had has died My life's continuation Without you by my side |